A Therapeutic Chain Of Events

I am hesitant to share things but if I reluctantly do I find myself moved by all the friends and family who are supportive of this journey. I can feel the prayers at work.

I have concluded that one of the most difficult things about this chemo business is having to rely on others for help doing things that I am perfectly capable of doing on my own. Even when I grumble about it or when I do the things I shouldn’t and get myself in trouble, I do realize just how much I am blessed. This is where I should probably compare Miss Jackie to some kind of top notch prison warden. I figure I’m probably giving her some helpful insight into what it will be like to be the mother of a two year old that you can’t turn your back on.

But in all seriousness, I am eternally thankful for all those who are so happy and willing to help me out.

Reading back through this past month I think one of the things I can take away is a realization about my adaptation to just what bad shape I was in before. I had become so accustomed to being tired all the time that it became my normal. Those feelings I get now of complete exhaustion were how I felt all of the time so just being tired now on some days seems mostly insignificant. I wonder if that’s a good thing.

Day1 /6-21

My toxic relationship continues with this our second date. I had no melting pot reaction to the steroids this time. It seems that the protocol is to administer them slowly so that it is diluted and doesn’t cause such a reaction. Great idea! I guess the first nurse I had didn’t get that memo. No harm done – it gave me something to write about last month.

I had a wee bit of itching in my face and it was difficult not to behave as if I’m a crack addict! Just kidding, sort of. Thankful it didn’t last long.

Otherwise I’ve had an uneventful second date with the green bag.

White count- 2.7

Today was the quick chemo day. No reactions or effects from it.

I’m a little tired this evening but that’s probably because we immediately went store walking both days on our way home.

And oops- I misplaced a handful of pounds!

Still a good day.

Feelin’ alright. I maintained my weight. I didn’t do much yet ending the day a little tired and fuzzy in the head. I probably need to just sit and do absolutely nothing but that’s not something I find easy to do.

Down almost another inch. Encouraging to still see results.

I really dislike this port. It is ugly. I guess sometimes necessary things aren’t always pretty things.

Rain today made it easier to do nothing

Started out rested and feeling good. Progressively feeling less good as the day goes on. I am mostly just tired but also not much of an appetite. Now that my side pain is gone I want to start biking and walking again. Goals!

Funny thing…I was just thinking yesterday how odd it is that I haven’t had any leg cramps since I started chemo. Woke up this morning with a big ol’ leg cramp. Not funny.

Misplaced three pounds overnight. Down another rinch…that makes a total of a little more than 6”. This has me thinking about just what bad shape I might have been in.

Felt good all stinkin’ day!

I haven’t found the misplaced pounds but am maintaining my weight. I never thought that losing weight without trying was even possible much less that it could be so scary.

My side is a little touchy today but nothing bad. Certainly not the pain I used to have. It’s like my spleen is sore and as if my ribs are being repositioned or something. Seems likely.

I did my weekly labs today and am curious what it’ll show. I also stopped by to visit aunt Jessie today. Her thoughtfulness comes in the form of unexpected cards in the mail that have brightened my life!

Felt good. Still a little sore but not bad at all.

An uneventful day

Concert tonight!

I have developed an unhealthy appetite for 3 muskateers. I also feel like I spend entirely too much time anticipating a new symptom and keeping myself in a little germ free bubble. This is reducing my !!’s.

Side is not as sore.

Nothing but a good day today…!

D10

I think I’ve found the weight I misplaced…Hairy has it.

That paralyzed kind of tired feeling is creeping back. I’m going try to make as minimal of an impact on my body as I can and still enjoy my upcoming plans.

I went to an art event! My art was so tiny in comparison to most others but it made me happy to see that others wanted it. And an evening of laughter with Jackie and Sydney made me forget how tired I was.

D11

Kinda tired…expected.

White count is down to 1.5 Also noticing that my lymph percentages are also going down. I think this is a good thing since they were pretty big.

I sometimes forget that my body is fighting this disease. Maybe that helps.

D12

Still a little…no, a lot fatigued. My ankles are slightly swollen from being in the car for our two day road trip and eating out so much. Otherwise things are good. Most importantly…no regrets!

D13

Did this week’s labs. Pretty sure my counts are bottoming out since I have that all over-don’t want to move kind of tireness. Very thankful that I have no fever with it like I did at this time last month.

D14

A day with family will always be a good day

D15

Just a regular ol’ day.

I’m still getting tired easily but not as intense as I was expecting. Not disappointed.

Side note: I’ve kicked some bad habits before but vowing to break my recent candy bar addiction before it gets any worse feels like it’s gonna be a tough one

D16

It never fails that if I’m feeling crummy and I spend some time with family it makes me feel so much better. A relatively short car ride to the city with Jessica, Sydney and Jackie made my morning crummy disappear.

I’m ending this day with no appetite which is unfortunate since I’ve been thinking all day about a BLT made with one of our homegrown tomatoes.

I wish it were just a withdrawal symptom from my candy bar addiction but not even that sounds good.

Boo.

D17

Woohoo- I’m surprised and thrilled that my white count was 2.8. Little things.

I am a little concerned that overnight I had (and still have today) a sharp pain in my chest that won’t allow me to take anything even close to a deep breath…I’ve had this feeling before. It’s the weekend so I will just keep paying attention as thew day goes on and hope it eases.

Aargh.

I decided to err on the side of caution and go to urgent care. This usually doesn’t end well for me.

The verdict: pleural effusion…fluid on the right lung. Hoping for easy breathing/painless sleep tonight. I am more than excited that I didn’t land in the hospital!

D18

Pain meds are my friend right now.

Hiccups are not.

I slept better because I did not move. Definitely an improved ability to breathe from yesterday.

D19

On the morning news: a 109 year old woman says the key to her longevity is to keep moving. I cannot wait to use this on the next family member who lovingly tells me to sit down; they can do it for me. I hope it ends well : )

…it definitely sparked a discussion with the warden.

My breathing is getting better but not quite as rapidly as I had hoped it would.

Cheering extra hard for those white blood cells to kick in.

D20

My weekly lab work today. I’m hoping that the steroids I’m taking for this breathing business aren’t going to mess up my numbers. I sense that they are surely messing with my sensitivity to criticism :/

Germ avoidance over the past 24 hours has been a challenge. An additional and different kind of lab work today was necessary. But it ended with happy results in the form of a sweet, black, tail wagging pup. That makes it all worth it.

D21

Looked at my xrays from urgent care and conformed a couple of things. My posture sucks and this port is equally as ugly on the inside as it is on the outside.

D22

I’m still not breathing easy but I’m not taking any more pain meds for it. I’ll just deal with the pain and try something that might actually aid in eliminating the problem. Giving Benedryl a whirl.

Normally I try to avoid negativity but I am sure having a hard time ignoring the fact that I’m fed up with being unwell. Seems like it’s been one thing after another for way too long.

And just like that…Sydney shows up with a surprise candy bar!! Nothing erases bad mojo like thoughtfulness and chocolate!

D23

Felling alright today. Still have a rattle inside but I can at least take a deep breath which will hopefully help me cough if that’s what needs to happen.

Pretty bummed with my mail today as I found out that my oncologist will no longer be associated with our insurance. I see him in a couple of days so I supposed I will find out who he will recommend me to. I have felt very comfortable and confident with him which isn’t something I’m not used to saying about a doctor. That makes it even more unhappy news.

My white count is up to a whopping 4.1 which is very good news!

D24

Still rattling. Still painful.

I also feel full and that’s scary.

Fighting this with positivity proves challenging.

I am often misunderstood.

D25

Spent a good deal of the night wondering what is going on in my repository department. It feels like a relapse with painful breathing again. I’m hoping it doesn’t postpone my treatment that is schedule for the end of this coming week. Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

Meanwhile…spending the day at the zoo with Jackie, Jimmy, Joey and Alex was good for everything that ails me. Breathing seemed better as the day went on. Right side is still painful to sleep with.

D26

Saw doc today. He wants a CT before my treatment in three days. He says I am looking good and my lungs sound clear. My spleen is still a little enlarged but he doesn’t seem overly concerned. He is still impressed with my response to chemo.

I will miss him.

Went to Nola’s and had lunch with Erick. Always a pleasure!! The food was excellent!

Still painful to sleep.

D27

CT scan today. It was different than I have had in the past – faster dye injection mad an enhance warmth in more places. I learned this scan was not only the routinie scan that the doctor likes to do before round three but was also expanded to check for a pulmonary embolism :o

I didn’t hear anything back right away from radiology so I am taking that as a good sign that there was no blood clot…praying for a clean report on everything else!

As always I am anxious to see what my lab work shows.

D28

This is my last day before I start it all over again. The dilemma is whether to rest up for tomorrow’s date with mr. green bag or to do as much as I can get away with before I might not have a choice.

I’m not any good at resting…