my chemical romance

I started making notes of my cancer treatment journey on day one so I could compare each month and remember what goes on. As I was reading back through them I found some of my mentions kind of interesting although I don't know that anyone else will agree with that last sentence. All the same I'll say that even though everyone deals with diseases and the treatments of them differently, I think there might be a few common threads with cancer. Maybe this is a glimpse into one view of that process.

These are just short notes and by far not my entire thoughts through this ordeal. That needn't be said to those who know me and know my love for thinking! So I'll share my notes as long as I do them and as long as I feel they might contain something helpful, interesting or worth a minute.

D1 5/24

Grateful for my family and friends

Thoughtfulness moves me. It comes today in the form of a red backpack filled with thoughtful things and a waiting room of family.

I am super grateful for the black lady’s fan she shared when the steroid meds lit me up!

Doubt isn’t an option

Short day. Easy day.

Lunch with Ken and Colleen and I ate a lot! Belly down 1”…after lunch J

Coincidence? I think not.

Grateful

Ending the day with a strawberry lemonade on my ‘I love being outside’ spot

Feeling great!

Cheeks are really red and I don’t like it

Have decided that my uncanny ability to ignore things might be a blessing

Ended the day feeling itchy but nothing I can’t ignore!

Trying to use less !!!’s because I feel like I’m too happy some times (!!)

My monster as I will call it is down another 1 ½”

An afternoon with family is always good for the soul

So is painting

Kind of tired

Have lost 10 pounds in 6 days

A tired start but picking up my weights again

I felt a little icky as I try to eat all the things but nothing I cant ignore

No complaints

Ate a whole cheeseburger AND tater crowns and I didn’t feel like I was going to explode

It was divine!

I’m tired of eating all the things!

(except for tonight's grilled corn on the cob which was delicious)

Monster down a total of 4”, no extra weight loss

A good day all around

D10

Maintained weight again

Still tired but I feel good

Part of me is anxious to forget how sick I’ve been but the other part wants to not forget so I can be forever grateful for being well

D11

My body is still tired

Still maintaining my weight- celebrate the good things

I read some Mister Roger - good food for thought

D12

Woo doggies. I am tired today. It’s the kind of tired where if I think about it I could be convinced that I am paralyzed…literally too tired to move. So I don’t think about it.

Nope! I move.

Ending this day with a fever of 101.7 – after office hours of course.

Decided to go to the ER but fell asleep thinking I needed to get up. I’m probably the only person who finds humor in that.

Fever broke by 1am.

D13

Dr asked me to come in since I had the fever overnight-donated some blood that pretty much confirmed that my immune system was bottomed out but it also showed I didn’t have any infections

I did learn that when destroying lymphoma (I like that), chemo turns cancer cells into a word I don’t know and this word contains stuff that can do things like spike a fever

My body seems to show signs of the chemo working very well.

Yay!

Not tired today. Weird.

White count-2.3

D14

Welp, another fever last night 101.1 and down to 100 without meds and stayed there for about 6 hours.

Had to go give more blood to make sure there’s nothing serious going on

Feel good otherwise-trying to avoid germ

White count 1.7

D15

102.2 last night-again it last about 6 hours

My body is now miserably itchy. Benedryl doesn’t help

On a different note: I am finding it increasingly frustrating that this disease, or moreso the treatment of it is affecting other people in my life and not just me. I don’t want anyone changing their routines or commitments just because my body is being difficult

D16

Another night of 1201.2 and itching still in full swing

Went to Blue Hole anyway

The sun felt good

Tired of messaging the dr about symptoms even though everything I read says I should.

I feel like a hypochondriac even though whats going on could be potentially kind of bad

D17

Fever was right at 101. I must be getting used to it because I just sleep through it now Or I’m exhausted from so many nights of tossing around with high fevers.

Skin is on fire and not from the sunshine yesterday

D18

Itchy. Just itchy.

Spending the afternoon with all my kids and grandkids helped me not think about it.

Finally no fever!

Family is good medicine

D19

(am)Itching not so bad.

Just kidding. Got worse as the day went on.

Ankles swelling a little in the evening

No more fever though so gonna celebrate that

D20

Saw Dr Lynch for post chemo check up – discontinuing antibiotic to hopefully stop itching. I got a head start because I forgot to take them at noon today!

He is very excited to see my body so responsive to treatment and admitted that he was scared when he saw my Ct at my last visit. I’m not gonna dwell on that and just be thankful for the progress. And as always I am grateful for the prayers and support of my family and friends!

White count 0.9

D21

No complaints-no itching!!!

A normal day

I am secretly cheering on the one little white blood cell to reproduce

D22

Normal!! Itching gone!

More secret cheering for the little white cell

D23

Normal!

But not taking it for granted

D24

Having some pretty bad tooth pain on this day. Decided to restart the antibiotic to twart infection.

Nope! Started itching again.

I am not a very good doctor.

It’s Friday so the dentist will have to wait.

D25

Spent the day at the lake for an early dads day before the girls leave. A fabulous day outdoors with family. It’s a wonderful life!

D26

Thankful that I have nothing to complain about

D-27

I still have bumps on my arms from allergic reaction. No itching-just bumps like a lizard. I wish them to go away but happy that’s the only thing I can find to whine about!

Note: tooth pain better so no need to bother Bob with making and appointment J

D28

Down 5” in all. Also still maintaining weight

I find myself becoming anxious to do my round two in a couple of days. Not necessarily in a bad way though. Of course I am hoping for it to be non eventful in that I don’t get sick but also excited to get it done so I can see and feel more positive results.

D29

From my morning read:

Success is not defined by position or pay scale but by this: Doing the most of what you do best.

Also, in part, do what you love so well that someone pays you to do it

Yes.

That has nothing to do with my medical journey except that by doing more of what makes me happy I can get away from and therefore get through things that have the potential to really be crummy.

Tomorrow starts round two…